Beggers like to choose

Growing up I was taught that one should empty one's plate. Although it's not always great for the waistline, it's good manners and food doesn't go to waste. After all, there are a lot of people who have no food at all.

In recent months, however I have been seeing how picky people can be about food. It seems to be a huge tendency in the people that are previously diisadvantaged.

I may not be nuts about rice, pap and cabbage, but I eat whatever is put in front of me with all the appreciation possible. It's much worse where there is none.

A few months ago we visited the home of relatives and had pap or oats for breakfast, whilst the domestic's child luxuriated on huge bowls of cereal that was actually bought for us. This child also refused to drink cordials, insisting on Coca-Cola instead and he didn't eat vegetables as he preffered meat, no matter who got short-changed in the process. This child wears R400 Reeboks whilst my children look great and are perfectly happy with their R40 Ackermans shoes. The mother had her hair done for R100 recently and then cried as there was no food at home for the children. I refuse to have a haircut if it's more than R60 and that's only once every 3 months. This same woman is expecting me to give her a heirloom of a woman she hated and stole from on her death-bed.

Last week I attended a function and happened to land at a table with a lady and her 4 young children. The children were thin with big, hungry eyes, looking around in anticipation at the food and treats available.

The first course arrived - chicken soup, ideal for the cold winter's day. It may not have been the most tasty soup I have ever had, but my body yearned for the nutrients. My daughter asked for seconds, but I explained that there are other children that are less fortunate and she should leave some for them. Alas, the three older children of the other woman, all sent back their entire bowl of soup. The youngest was a baby and shared with the mother.

Then arrived the main course: fried chicken with rice and veggies. Again, the family scoffed down the chicken, but the rice and vegetables were sent back as is. My family could've been fed on that alone for 2 meals. What a waste - how rude?

Dessert was gulped up by the now starving kids and when the cake arrived, my family had to share two tiny little pieces.

I don't understand how poor people don't teach their children to eat what they get and be appreciative. You could count on 2 hands how many times my children had cereal in their 6 years, instead, they eat pap, Mabella and sometimes as a treat, oats.

This utter rudeness obviously stems from the parents' inability to prioritise and the general sense of entitlement.

We can't expect this country (or the world for that matter) to change unless we can change our priorities.

Dealing with negative people

They are in every family and every circle of friends. We're talking about negative people that try to find fault with everything. It's not a matter of seeing the glass half empty - they don't see a glass when it's flooding!

Here's how to cope with them:

1. Don't look to them for approval. The biggest mistake you can make is running to them with the smallest thing to try win their approval. That shifts the power into their hands.

2. Let them motivate you. Use their negativity as a motivation. When they say "you can't do that" - let that motivate you to give it your best shot.

3. Keep your aspirations away from them. Don't tell them what you want to do or achieve, you don't need that negative energy.

4. Avoid toxic energy. Where possible, try to steer clear of negative / toxic people. Positive people will support you and know that in turn they'll get positive support from you when they need it. That is how healthy relationships are built.

5. Keep a gratitude journal where you keep a record of your achievements as well. When someone tries to make you negative, simply have a look at your journal and all you've achieved. Note how much closer you are to your goal.

6. Don't argue. Just nod, smile and change the subject. They will soon get the message. It's not in your interest to discuss your future with people that want to sabotage it.

7. Know where they are coming from. In other words, if their criticism is constructive, you may have to listen. Then again, if it is constructive, they won't come across negatively and they will be more supportive.

8. Their why. Know why some people always seem to spoil your optimism. They could be jealous of you or afraid of your success. You don't need to listen or put any energy into that!

Do your best, go for it and show them what you're made of!

The N-word

Some of us dread using the word "No". Instead we spend our lives doing things we really don't want to do, dreading the next person who comes along to ask something...

If you'd really like to do whatever it is they ask of you, great! The problem is when you refexatively say 'yes' to any and every invitation or request which is put to you, whether or not you want to say yes.

It's so easy to get into a cycle where you stop one day and realise that you are pleasing everyone but yourself. People could also start to take your courtesy as a weakness and start abusing your giving nature to get their own way all the time.

Why is it so hard to say no? You know that 'yes' is what the person wants to hear, but what is your reason for being unable to say it?

It could be that you fear rejection or disapproval.

Once you have figured out your reason for not wanting to say no, you should be able to summon the courage to come straight out and just say it.

Opinion or Fact?

Opinion is a cause of much controversy in the world today. Opinion causes much debate when people substitute facts for opinion, especially when they are uninformed about the issue they have an opinion about.

Wikipedia says: "An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact."

I enjoy reading opinion pieces, but I am always very cautious not to accept the opinion of the writer without first doing all my research. In my writing career I have learned to always air opposing opinions, especially on controversial issues. This is a handy tool to incorporate in life, especially around family or other people we value as we generally take their opinions as valid without bothering to investigate further and that could cloud our own opinions.

People employ different approaches to arrive at their opinion and they in turn are swayed by factors that influence them personally, hence you may get a third hand opinion which may be the exact opposite of the fact.

Is television good for children? Some say no, it makes them obese. Others say yes, depending on which channels you watch. Did I consider obesity when I asked the question? No. Did I mean they must watch History channel? No. I was merely thinking about it as a recreational tool, or company for a child sick in bed.

Look at a match box from two different angles. From one angle you will see the Lion emblem and from another angle you will see the brown scratch-part. To someone who doesn't know it's a matchbox, it may well look like 2 completely different objects.


PS: Just a huge thanks to all my loyal readers who have referred so many friends to my blog in the last week - traffic has surged tremendously on this site and all the linked programmes as well as the newsletter subscriptions. Thanks for your support!

Toxicity

They are in every family, social group or organisation. They spread their negativity wherever they go. I am talking about toxic people.

These are the people who constantly critisise, argue and complain about everything, whether it concerns them or not. The Toxic person uses this negative behaviour to get attention and their lack of social skills causes them to be unable to tell negative attention from positive attention.

Toxic people tend to zone in on the negative side of everything, generally blowing it out of proportion. The negative will often become their obsession. Once this becomes a habit, it becomes progressively harder to see any positivity.

Toxic people generally tend to form cliques of like-minded people that destroy anything positive before it can come to fruition. Jealousy is a prominent core value of toxic people.

Psychologist Martin Seligman showed in his groundbreaking research in positive psychology that people who see the world in a positive light have a long list of advantages, including:

* They live longer
* They’re healthier
* They have more friends and better social lives
* They enjoy life more
* They’re more successful at work

It's essential to cut out toxic influences from your life, even if it's family or loved ones.

If you are toxic, remember this: "Either your toxic emotions are using you, or you’re going to use them. For example, you can either allow your suppressed anger to explode and wreak havoc in your life, or you can harness its inherent power to stand up taller and take on a bigger mission in the world." says Debbie Ford, founder of the Ford Institute.