Breathtaking bush break

Experience the thrill of the bush veld and the many wonders that nature has to offer. The superbly furnished self-catering lodges, all with breathtaking views, will enhance your quality time. An evening spent at our "Bush Boma" or breakfast with the birds will relax your mind and recharge your spirit.

Only 3 and a half hours drive from Johannesburg and Pretoria, lies a wonderful escape from the stresses of city life. Crystal Springs Mountain Lodge is situated above the quaint picturesque town of Pilgrims Rest and is close to all of the natural attractions of the Eastern Transvaal. Within 5000 hectares of Game Reserve, with its rich diversity of flora and fauna, our 4-sleeper chalet is situated.





Self-Catering
Accommodation at Crystal Springs Mountain Lodge consists of 164 thatch lodges, sleeping 2, 4, 6, or 8 people. Lodges are serviced daily and fully equipped for self-catering (or you can eat in the restaurant). Each lodge has satellite television and M-Net and all accommodation overlooks sweeping Escarpment views. Towels and basic toiletries are provided. Larger units have washing machines and tumble driers.

Facilities at the Lodge
Facilities include four swimming pools (two heated) in delightful gardens, floodlit tennis courts, a squash court, mini - golf and a games room with table tennis and other indoor games. Then, there's a children's playground, a kiosk/shop, restaurant-cum-coffee shop and the Crystal Tavern. Adults looking for tranquility and relaxation will find it at The Clubhouse - strictly for over-16's. The complex houses a health spa (indoor heated pool, Jacuzzi, sauna, sun deck, gym), a beauty salon and a TV lounge.



You too can call this home. For only R2199 for four people for a week, you can stay in utter luxury on the following dates: 27,28,29 and 30 October 2008.

For more information, or to book, contact Lizette at lizette_s@webafrica.org.za

Writing and editing services

A professional image is essential to the success of any business.

Nothing is as off-putting as spelling errors, incorrect punctuation and wrong vocabulary used on professional communication.

Whether it is business letters or documentation, websites, e-books, we offer professional writing and editing services to suit your pocket. Our rates are lower than our competitors.

For a personal quote or more information, email Lizette at lizette_s@webafrica.org.za

Beggers like to choose

Growing up I was taught that one should empty one's plate. Although it's not always great for the waistline, it's good manners and food doesn't go to waste. After all, there are a lot of people who have no food at all.

In recent months, however I have been seeing how picky people can be about food. It seems to be a huge tendency in the people that are previously diisadvantaged.

I may not be nuts about rice, pap and cabbage, but I eat whatever is put in front of me with all the appreciation possible. It's much worse where there is none.

A few months ago we visited the home of relatives and had pap or oats for breakfast, whilst the domestic's child luxuriated on huge bowls of cereal that was actually bought for us. This child also refused to drink cordials, insisting on Coca-Cola instead and he didn't eat vegetables as he preffered meat, no matter who got short-changed in the process. This child wears R400 Reeboks whilst my children look great and are perfectly happy with their R40 Ackermans shoes. The mother had her hair done for R100 recently and then cried as there was no food at home for the children. I refuse to have a haircut if it's more than R60 and that's only once every 3 months. This same woman is expecting me to give her a heirloom of a woman she hated and stole from on her death-bed.

Last week I attended a function and happened to land at a table with a lady and her 4 young children. The children were thin with big, hungry eyes, looking around in anticipation at the food and treats available.

The first course arrived - chicken soup, ideal for the cold winter's day. It may not have been the most tasty soup I have ever had, but my body yearned for the nutrients. My daughter asked for seconds, but I explained that there are other children that are less fortunate and she should leave some for them. Alas, the three older children of the other woman, all sent back their entire bowl of soup. The youngest was a baby and shared with the mother.

Then arrived the main course: fried chicken with rice and veggies. Again, the family scoffed down the chicken, but the rice and vegetables were sent back as is. My family could've been fed on that alone for 2 meals. What a waste - how rude?

Dessert was gulped up by the now starving kids and when the cake arrived, my family had to share two tiny little pieces.

I don't understand how poor people don't teach their children to eat what they get and be appreciative. You could count on 2 hands how many times my children had cereal in their 6 years, instead, they eat pap, Mabella and sometimes as a treat, oats.

This utter rudeness obviously stems from the parents' inability to prioritise and the general sense of entitlement.

We can't expect this country (or the world for that matter) to change unless we can change our priorities.

75 year old man outwits 4 hijackers

A 75-year old man faced a gun to his head on Friday afternoon when he went to drop his domestic worker at the 4-way stop to Orangefarm, south of JHB where she catches a taxi home. As the domestic worker got out of the car with her bags, they were approached by 5 men. One man entered the car and put a gun to the man's head, demanding money and trying to pull the keys from the ignition. The victim was cool and calm and accelerated the car, causing the hijacker to fall out of the car. The angry criminals hit the domestic and grabbed a bag with food and clothes, money and a cellphone. She was picked up by her employer and taken to the police station.

Find or advertise your property here

Looking for a place to rent? Look no further than RentaSpot.

Rentaspot is SAs biggest rental hub with a wide choice of properties to let. Plus, we have lots of fun stuff to make your experience with us an experience. Try out our easy-to-use fuzzy logic search bar, spot a property on our mapping system and then check out how far away the shops are.

Rentaspot offers a great marketing platform with a database of tenants and a place to list any type of rental property so whether you have a beach front apartment available for 2 weeks, timeshare you can't use, a short let duplex, commercial or factory space rentaspot is the ideal place to show it off.

Rentaspot is a sister company of Private Property, and online efforts are supported by their extensive off line advertising.



If you prefer a place of your own, contact Lizette via the Contact Us page to arrange your home finance for FREE!

Steve is closing down his blog

Following a recent emergency operation, South African music sensation Steve Hofmeyr, is closing down his blog.

Steve se Spoegblog is no. 7 on Amatomu and receives in excess of 4 Million hits per month.

Steve has been a prolific writer and very consistent in his entries. Every day he shared news, opinions and a bit of himself with his readers - even when he was in hospital.

Soon, instead of his blog, his website will display a homepage. We will miss connecting with Steve every day...

Wishing you well on your recovery and building kites and fishing!

Who is Vernon Koekemoer?

If you don't know Vernon Koekemoer, you live in the dark ages!

He was made famous for his fashion sense and compared to the likes of Rambo and Chuck Norris.

This is the photo that made the man:



More about Vernon:

Vernon Koekemoer makes onions cry

Vernon Koekemoer can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Vernon Koekemoer killing people faster than Death can process them.

Vernon Koekemoer can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Vernon Koekemoer can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Vernon Koekemoer can drown a fish.

When Vernon Koekemoer enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

When Vernon Koekemoer looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Vernon Koekemoer and Vernon Koekemoer

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards, Vernon Koekemoer can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Vernon Koekemoer. He is the end of all things.

Vernon Koekemoer does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Vernon Koekemoer

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Vernon
Koekemoer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

The Vernon Koekemoer calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd - no one fools Vernon Koekemoer.

If you spell Vernon Koekemoer wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Vernon Koekemoer?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the
chance."

Vernon Koekemoer can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Vernon Koekemoer' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Vernon Koekemoer gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Vernon Koekemoer can kill two stones with one bird.

Vernon Koekemoer was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitisers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Vernon Koekemoer kills 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Vernon Koekemoer was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Vernon Koekemoer can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vernon Koekemoer has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.

It takes Vernon Koekemoer 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Vernon Koekemoer once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vernon Koekemoer could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Vernon Koekemoer.

Vernon Koekemoer destroyed the periodic table, because Vernon Koekemoer only recognises the element of surprise.

Vernon Koekemoer got his drivers licence at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Vernon Koekemoer is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Vernon Koekemoer is pain. Do not try to square Vernon Koekemoer, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Vernon Koekemoer takes this as a personal insult.

Interview with Paul Buckby Part 2

Wednesday 28 May 2008

Our second installment of our interview kicks off with a lot of concern from viewers in light of Dr Adam's most recent appearance on Egoli.

Des (Chanelle de Jager) explained that his bald appearance is due to him taking the research with his cancer patients a bit too seriously.

1. Paul, what does the audience think about your baldness and your weightloss?

I have been hearing reports of Egoli fans shocked by my appearance in Egoli.Some say i scare them and I look ill.

When i found out that i landed the role of KING, I weighed 92,8kgs!I went down to 72,5kgs for this role.



2. How did you do that?

I did basic exercises and ate properly. Remember the King of Siam lived on bean shoots and Thai tea, not Peronis and boerewors.

I now weigh 78kgs so I am not dying. Egoli were just as surprised as the public when I arrived on set.

3. What are you working on at the moment?
There's an old saying: "To find your missing prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs!"
Well the same can be said for concept developing. A colleague and I devised a reality concept for television which has international prospects. We linked up with an influential player who really believes he can sell it overseas to top broadcasters in various European countries, after which we would produce it here in South Africa. The next move is to shoot a precis' of the concept so that our man can take it to Germany, Italy, England, France and Japan. All that we are waiting for now, is an investor to cover the costs of this DVD and we are away. That's where the missing frog bit comes in. We haven't met the right person or persons yet.

4. What is your proudest achievement thus far?
My proudest achievement? mmmm... That's a hard one, because the survival of this sort of career depends on 'proud achievements' to keep you relevant. It's what keeps you going. Very much like Golf. You wonder why you do it, but make two or three shots good shots and your question is answered. There are many, but I don't ponder on them. I am too busy chasing the next proud moment. I feel in my spirit that God wants my next move to make Him proud.

5. What about your musical career?
I am song writing at present. Mostly Christian songs and I'm loving it. I don't know if they will ever be published, but they really have blessed me and have helped bring me into a place of intimacy with God. I am also the 'gas kunstenaar' on the NOOT VIR NOOT ROADSHOW, which so far has traveled to more than 40 towns.

6.Where does your inspiration come from?

Inspiration? Two sources, God and my wife Sarann. I have been a Christian for 35 years and only now am I really enjoying this relationship. Why? because I am seeking His face, because I want to really find Him and be significant to His kingdom. I have surrendered my life to Him completely. I have no aspirations for my world as I've known it, no trophies to win, no points to prove. I am waiting for God to open the gates to my new future and this is what now inspires me to get up in the morning. This gives me real joy. My wife is a very unique human being who is always on hand to encourage and inspire me. It's very easy to take the disappointments of this career personally. Sarann always finds the positive side to any situation.

7. How do you relax?

Relax? Via opposing forms of entertainment. Song writing really helps me to relax and believe it or not, computer games! Games which are centered on total carnage and destruction! First person shooters are my favourite. I love walking around awesome environments along with the ever present threat of being shot or hacked to pieces by some mutant lunatic or mercenary. Strange how this could possibly help me to relax, but it does.

8. Any albums for us to look forward to?

Album, not just yet, but watch this space!

9. What are your plans for the next 5 years?

Mmmm. I have a dream which in 5 years time I hope will be up and running. I can't say more at this stage.

10. Who is in your secret address book?

No one is in my secret address book. (if there was someone and I told you, it wouldn't be a secret :-) )

11. Who is your role model?

I don't have a role model, but I do admire people who achieve their goals despite overwhelming odds. eg. Oscar Pistorius or Nelson Mandela

Thank you for your time Paul and we wish you much success with your projects.

Thank you for this opportunity Lizette. I hope I didn't waffle too much :-)
Paul

Interview with Paul Buckby Part 1

Monday 19 May 2008

Paul Buckby, the hunky Dr. Adam Fischer from Egoli fame is a versatile artist and qualified auctioneer.

Get to know the man better in the first part of my interview with Paul Buckby.

Paul, how did you get into the entertainment industry?

It all started from a very young age. I had an inherent ability to entertain an audience, albeit it friends or family. It went onto the school stage and after that almost straight onto the professional stage at The
Baxter Theatre in 1983. I played JOHN n Peter Krummeck's play THE PASSION.

Children's theatre then took most of my time which is an excellent training school for actors. Capab made use of me for a few years and before long, i was working for Pieter Toerien in Johannesburg 1985. I enjoyed leads in musicals around the
country for ten years. TV eventually became my focus, starring in soapies or
drama series for most of the networks. This last Xmas, I played the KING in THE KING AND I at The Civic in JHB and
relished my return to the musical stage. I'm now in a bit of a wasteland.
God is in charge of my next move.

You are so versatile: stage, music, television... do you have a preference?
Musical Theatre is my favourite form of showbiz.

You're a qualified auctioneer. Any funny / embarrassing moments to share?

The hardest thing for me to auction is aspects of myself. E.g. I get called upon to auction off one of my CDS 'A MOMENT'S BORN' to raise funds.
Well, I usually blush the whole time, especially when there is a muted response!!

You were very convincing as Dr. Adam in Egoli. Are you as weird as him in real life?

I am not like Adam in his extreme, no. I do, like everyone else, have quirks and idiosyncrasies.
When I eat and go for seconds, I like to clean my plate first. Every serving deserves an opening night! I don't like sharing my ice-cream, or eating off someone else's fork.
I don't like someone
helping himself to my food from my plate, or sucking chicken bones. I'll stop there!

What is home like?
'Home' will always be in Cape Town, not only because of my parents, but all my childhood memories are there. This sounds crazy, but I feel a strange sense of security when I'm staying at my folks' place. I slip into 'son' mode and my dad switches on the alarm and makes sure all the doors are
locked, feeds the cat etc. I take a breather from my responsibilities in
JHB.

I believe that like my hubby, you like the young ladies. Tell us about the love of your life?

My wife is 17 years my junior. I didn't plan it this way. I met Sass when I was 37, she was 20.
She was/is very mature for her age. She's a very bright lady. She was studying at RAU when we
met. I am young at heart and this is what works. I am now 45, but you wouldn't say so. I
collect model cars for goodness' sake! Our age gap is our platform. We bring
different ideas to the
table. She'd never heard of BUCK ROGERS and I didn't know who MATCHBOX 20
were!
I'm sure you can relate Lizette. [oi - yes... can't I just!]

I look forward to Part 2 of my interview with Paul.

I feel loved

Last night I was struck down by a horrific migraine. At the time it felt like it hit suddenly, but only because I haven't had a migraine in more than a year so I missed all the tell-tale warning signs.

Suddenly, my head was in a vice and I couldn't think straight at all - so much so that I misplaced the book I was reading on the drive home and for the life of me I cannot remember what I did with it.

My darling husband brought me a tablet the moment we got home and I was trying to settle myself down, this despite his thoughts at the time that I was putting on to stop him from going on his usual Sunday night walk to the local cafe that sells the most amazing fresh rolls.

Soon, I was woman down on bed. I got completely undressed despite the chill in the air - in an attempt to stop the squeezing in my head. By this time, Wade knew that I was not faking it! He brought me my migraine cocktail which consists of anti-inflammatory, anti-nausea tablet and pain pill. He soothed my tears of pain, reminding me that crying just made the migraine worse.

He put a cool cloth on my head, rubbed my neck, prayed for me and brought me water, tea and all kinds of things that I never even touched and finally left to go have a snack and leave me to rest.

In the process of trying to get to the bathroom in time - I ran into the door jamb at full speed. Wade thought there was a bomb blast and came to see. He rubbed my back whilst I was talking to God on the great white telephone - knowing that I hate even him seeing me in that compromising position.

Afterwards he tucked me back in bed and saw to it that I was comfortable and feeling okay.

This was not the first time he has done this for me.

I am so blessed to have a darling husband like this. He has seen me at my best and at my worst and he loves me all the way and shows it by being there for me.What a guy!

Say No If You Mean No

Truthfulness seems to have gone out of fashion with the hairstyles of the 80's.

Here's a great blog for those who don't know how to say no.

Say No If You Mean No

Dealing with negative people

They are in every family and every circle of friends. We're talking about negative people that try to find fault with everything. It's not a matter of seeing the glass half empty - they don't see a glass when it's flooding!

Here's how to cope with them:

1. Don't look to them for approval. The biggest mistake you can make is running to them with the smallest thing to try win their approval. That shifts the power into their hands.

2. Let them motivate you. Use their negativity as a motivation. When they say "you can't do that" - let that motivate you to give it your best shot.

3. Keep your aspirations away from them. Don't tell them what you want to do or achieve, you don't need that negative energy.

4. Avoid toxic energy. Where possible, try to steer clear of negative / toxic people. Positive people will support you and know that in turn they'll get positive support from you when they need it. That is how healthy relationships are built.

5. Keep a gratitude journal where you keep a record of your achievements as well. When someone tries to make you negative, simply have a look at your journal and all you've achieved. Note how much closer you are to your goal.

6. Don't argue. Just nod, smile and change the subject. They will soon get the message. It's not in your interest to discuss your future with people that want to sabotage it.

7. Know where they are coming from. In other words, if their criticism is constructive, you may have to listen. Then again, if it is constructive, they won't come across negatively and they will be more supportive.

8. Their why. Know why some people always seem to spoil your optimism. They could be jealous of you or afraid of your success. You don't need to listen or put any energy into that!

Do your best, go for it and show them what you're made of!

What do blondes, baboons and baldies have in common?

An article I came across speaks about our 'social organs', explaining how our looks impact on how other people treat us. Our social organs include all parts of our body and personality that are visible to others. Being blonde, the article about why people like blondes drew my attention.

My husband always says that blonde women tend to look softer - note, they are not necesarily softer... they just LOOK softer. So when I first started reading the article and read how the unknown writer compares us with our "ancestral beings" (monkeys) I was not too impressed. I don't buy the whole evolution theory.

The author is not giving much info in the sense of how it works or why it's that way, as trying to convince the reader of the fact that every part of our being stems from monkeys. He does however say a few intesting things.

His research shows that our ancestral scalp colour was black with scatterings of brown in places. Pigmentation increases with age which means that many kids are born with light hair and it gets darker with age. Blonde hair in adults is a 'new human invention'. Hence, blonde hair in adult females remind men of the soft innocence of a child. Like a short adult, a blond adult will carry some subordinate signal element.

The writer says: "We can separate movie sex-goddesses into two types: the baby faced sort and the dominant kind. Generally, the baby face neotenics (childlikes) have blond hair which, of course, complements the signal. Women, in cultures where it is accepted, are fond of bleaching their hair. Like thin-arched eyebrows and "made-up" eyes, blond hair gives them a childlike air, that is, the social posture of an attractive subordinate."

Just like our monkey ancestors, men go bald. In our ancestors, hair was used as a threat symbol, but that now has been replaced by the use of skin. Certain monkeys become red-faced with anger and the writer says this also happens to humans when they get older. "Like the uakari monkey, humans redden with age or anger, and the function appears to be primarily a social signal. Facial reddening does in fact carry important information and serves no other physiological function. As the blood vessels of the face flush, the skin reddens, the angular vein which runs upward from the bridge of the nose is especially distended and has been referred to as the temper or anger vein."

At the present time Western cultures are caught in a pinch between the adulation of youth - which is responsible for our holding low hairlines in esteem - and our continuing respect for status and the high forehead which retains an element of nobility or at least an aristocratic man. The superhero males of the comics almost invariably have a high hairline.

If not very accurate or true, still entertaining!

The N-word

Some of us dread using the word "No". Instead we spend our lives doing things we really don't want to do, dreading the next person who comes along to ask something...

If you'd really like to do whatever it is they ask of you, great! The problem is when you refexatively say 'yes' to any and every invitation or request which is put to you, whether or not you want to say yes.

It's so easy to get into a cycle where you stop one day and realise that you are pleasing everyone but yourself. People could also start to take your courtesy as a weakness and start abusing your giving nature to get their own way all the time.

Why is it so hard to say no? You know that 'yes' is what the person wants to hear, but what is your reason for being unable to say it?

It could be that you fear rejection or disapproval.

Once you have figured out your reason for not wanting to say no, you should be able to summon the courage to come straight out and just say it.

Body language

Somewhere along the way we all hear about body language and the basics: if he touches his nose, he is lying. Most of us don't pay much attention to this - some smells cause allergic reactions which makes me touch my nose constantly - I'm not lying!

Just how can knowing about body language improve your life? Well, for starters you can figure out how people feel about what you are saying. That is pretty handy when you are trying to close a deal or make an impact somehow.

Here's what you should look for:

Crossed arms universally means the person is being cold, defensive, and stand-offish or "closed up". It's why you often see bodyguards standing like this.

Let's say you're standing in a group of people. If someone has folded arms, chances are they're not having fun. You might also see them looking around.

It is said that feet are a great body language cue and the most accurate and most difficult to hide. Look which direction the person's feet are pointing. If they're both pointed towards the rest of the group, they're interested in the conversation.

If one of their feet is pointing towards the exit, it means they would rather be somewhere else. People also often point one of their feet at the person in the group they're most interested in.

The eyes are another good indicator and the simplest of all. Someone who is not looking at you directly could be hiding something. Alternatively, if your date is looking at your mouth constantly, it could mean that they'd like to kiss you!

To use body language productively in your own life, this little exercise will show you how:

1. Think of something that is mildly bothering you. Note your body language. Are you slouching, breathing shallow breaths, frowning?

2. Now stop that thought in it's tracks. Pull your shoulders back, chin up, deep breaths, big smile. How do you feel now?

3. Keeping that upright posture and big smile - think of the negative thought again. It seems so much better than the first time around!

Whenever you are faced with a negative thought, simply adjust your posture and see how much better it seems. Alternatively, just practice a silly smile as often as you can!

Polyphasic sleep

Stress can drain one's energy resources. Life however doesn't always cater for our needs in terms of restful sleep during times of stress. There is so much to contend with - family, work, finances, tasks around the home, social schedules, appointments... it's never ending!

Sometimes we reach a point where we feel like we could just sleep for at least a week and not worry about anything else. Anyone who has tried that knows that it usually just makes you more tired.

In my sleepy surfings, I came across some interesting information on a 'new' sleeping pattern called Polyphasic Sleep.

Usually we go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am - that is called Monophasic sleep, with all the insomnia, nightmares and the occassional sweet dream we experience. When we are pushed for time, we are more likely to stick to a sleeping schedule to which our bodies adjust. Knowing you have to rise earlier tomorrow, you may go sleep earlier tonight to "catch up" on the hour or so that you will miss in the early morning. This, they say, is the worst mistake - as you may not be able to fall asleep immediately due to your body's clock being set to the time you usually go to sleep.

Sleep experts say that you should go to sleep only when you are too sleepy to do anything else, even if that means a different time every night. However, you should get up at a set time daily in order to promote early rising which has it's own benefits including increased productivity and a sense of well-being. Your body clock will automatically adjust eventually and on more tiring days, you'll feel sleepy earlier. If you don't fall asleep within 5 minutes every night, you go to bed too early!

The Polyphasic Sleep method is a method whereby you sleep at regular intervals for 20-30 minutes. For instance, naps would take place at 1am, 5am, 9am, 1pm, 5pm and 9pm. This means that you end up sleeping about 3 hours a day, however people that have tried it claim to be more energetic and productive than ever. It's essential that you stick to the routine and not miss naps or oversleep as this would cause your body to take some time to recover from such a slip-up.

Opinions on whether this is healthy vary. The old school believes that we need a solid 8 hours of beauty sleep. Those who are for the Polyphasic method say that one becomes more rested as the body learns to enter the REM-sleep phase quicker and therefore one achieves more restful sleep.

The jury is out and I may just give it a try... let me first sleep on it!

Caught in a trap

"We're caught in a trap, I can't move out..." - the famous words from a song by the King of Rock, Elvis Presley many years ago. Recently, this line was playing over and over in my head during a power-struggle with a friend.

To backtrack, this friend was there during a time when I needed someone. I accepted his help and appreciated it very much. My loyalty was undivided and unwavering.

So the master-slave relationship was born. Out of a once off acceptance of help, came a hold that was unbreakable.

I have since done everything from my side: I supported, I listened, I cried, I helped, I thanked, I cared... I even gave financial support to this friend, who is much better off financially than me. There was never a word of thanks or any acknowledgement of him noticing of appreciating what I did for him.

Eventually this situation started causing a lot of problems with family and friends as well as professionally. The 'relationship' started becoming taxing, it cost me money and jeopardised valuable relationships. I tried to end it many times, but my this man woudn't budge.

Eventually, a situation arised and although he was aware of the situation, he didn't offer assistance, although he was in a prime position to do so. I was not going to ask... but finally I realised that this was my out!

I ended the relationship and with that, dropped the weight of the world off my shoulders. I thought I'd miss this friendship, but I am not.

Sadly, sometimes a friendship is not all it seems. You may be over-invested in a relationship and the true elements of a friendship may be missing.

Being rich and famous

"I wish you enough" has taken the place of the old "Kind Regards" in email communications.

I have always been a believer in abundance, so when I first heard "enough", it felt like a curse! A girl can never have "enough" shoes or enough chocolate, after all. It was explained to me that this was the shortened version of the wish, which goes along the lines of "I wish you enough so that you never yearn for more and enough not to keep you humble".

In conversations about the ridiculously rich and famous, people often say that they wouldn't like having so much money as there will be nothing left to live for, nothing more to achieve. Personally, I can't imagine being so rich that there's nothing left for me to do. Look at Oprah Winfrey, one of the most famous, wealthiest women alive - she is forever busy with another project. I have never heard of anyone who was bored with their life because they had too much money. I believe that perhaps a lack of ambition could cause rich people to become bored, but it can as easily happen to someone who is not wealthy.

Hypothetically speaking, imagine yourself having "arrived" at a point where you have money coming out of your ears, figuratively speaking of course. Imagine being bored, having achieved all your goals in life and now at age 60 you are a billionaire with everything your heart desires. Just how bad could it be?

In my opinion, losing the desire to achieve is much worse than arriving at the point where you have achieved everything you wanted to and now being bored.
Lack of desire and no resources make dreams hard to achieve.


A desire for achievement is easily born and achieved when you are already successful and you have a certain frame of reference to fall back on. Besides, dreams are infinite - you can never run out of dreams and they are easily achieve with the right resources which money can buy.

Craig Mischief Attemted Hijakcing

Well-known, South African comedian, Craig Mischief was involved in an attempted hijacking on Friday night.

Craig was returning home from a show in Port Elizabeth when he noticed a blue Golf appeared next to his car in the road. A flustered looking foreigner gave Craig the impression that he was lost and needed directions. Craig rolled down his window to find out what the driver of the blue Golf wanted when something told Craig to check his side mirror.

Says Craig: "... I saw an accomplice running up on the drivers side, with a firearm in his hand. I also saw another 3 approaching from the passenger side. Needless to say, I put my foot Flat on the floor, and sped off."

Luckily the would-be hijackers didn't shoot, but they jumped into the Golf and started chasing Craig. "After driving like a maniac with my lights off in order to lose them, I managed to shake them off long enough to get into my security complex."

On Saturday, Craig was happy to be unharmed and looking forward to relax with the family. "A person that runs up to your car with a firearm in hand, is NOT there because he likes you; He is there to hurt you and deny your innocent children the right to grow up with a loving Father!"

This follows a spate of hijackings in Port Elizabeth. In another incident on Friday night, a 12-year old girl was demanded by armed men to become a prostitute. The driver managed to speed off with the girl and was later hospitalised after going into a diabetic coma due to the shock of the incident.

When will our Government start protecting our young girls?

Opinion or Fact?

Opinion is a cause of much controversy in the world today. Opinion causes much debate when people substitute facts for opinion, especially when they are uninformed about the issue they have an opinion about.

Wikipedia says: "An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact."

I enjoy reading opinion pieces, but I am always very cautious not to accept the opinion of the writer without first doing all my research. In my writing career I have learned to always air opposing opinions, especially on controversial issues. This is a handy tool to incorporate in life, especially around family or other people we value as we generally take their opinions as valid without bothering to investigate further and that could cloud our own opinions.

People employ different approaches to arrive at their opinion and they in turn are swayed by factors that influence them personally, hence you may get a third hand opinion which may be the exact opposite of the fact.

Is television good for children? Some say no, it makes them obese. Others say yes, depending on which channels you watch. Did I consider obesity when I asked the question? No. Did I mean they must watch History channel? No. I was merely thinking about it as a recreational tool, or company for a child sick in bed.

Look at a match box from two different angles. From one angle you will see the Lion emblem and from another angle you will see the brown scratch-part. To someone who doesn't know it's a matchbox, it may well look like 2 completely different objects.


PS: Just a huge thanks to all my loyal readers who have referred so many friends to my blog in the last week - traffic has surged tremendously on this site and all the linked programmes as well as the newsletter subscriptions. Thanks for your support!

20 Facts for women

A brilliant email I received recently, adapted from the writings of South African author Maretha Maartens.


1. Mr Right's ego is a thin membrane. Stay away from a man with an even thinner ego, else you will be held responsible when it tears.

2. Don't be too eager to get engaged or get married. If he is meant to be, he wouldn't allow another woman to steal him away within the next 6 months.

3. When adopted children walk all over your heart, it's not because they are adopted, it's because they are kids.

4. The hearts of elderly parents are as vulnerable as their hips.

5. Married daughters or daughters-in-law's dirty floors, sticky kettle and tacky decor is fine just as it is!

6. You don't have to attend everything you are invited to, you don't have to do everything, remember everything, have everything or know everything.

7. Your weight is fine as long as your thighs are not rubbing and chafing sore.

8. Whatever you are going through - that too shall pass.

9. The fight against aging is interesting, but in acceptance is a treasure of peace.

10. When we stop dressing up nicely and hide underneath tracksuits and oversize t-shirts, we lie and say "I am comfortable like this" - what we really say is "I don't feel comfortable in my own skin."

11. When all else fails - God cares.

12. When we obsess about developing a certain talent in our childrens' lives, we seldom realise how many potential friends they lose.

13. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin, but it's a shark-attack on children.

14. Sex is meant to be enjoyed.

15. The seed of unforgivable sins lie buried under the sand in each one of us, waiting to be watered so that it can grow.

16. Guard your heart as that controls your future.

17. Life is hard. Men want softness. A woman should never be too approachable, too independent, too talkative, too quiet, too dependent, too suspicious, too gullible or too hasty.

18. To only want in life is selfish - give a little!

19. The world does not revolve around you. You'd be surprised to know how seldom others talk about you.

20. You may be only one person in the world, but to one person you mean the world.

God and Intuition

Intuition has many aspects. Some people get premonitions, some have dreams, some experience deja vu. For me it's a vague combination of all of the above; sometimes no more than an overwhelming emotion and urge do do something or avoid it.

My personality type, according to the MyersBriggs Type Indicator, is INFJ of which 1% of the population belong to. "INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive." says PersonalityPage.

How does Intuition fit in with Christianity?

In the Bible mention is made of the Holy Spirit numerous times and how we should welcome the Holy Spirit into our hearts. Colosians 1:9 says "...asking Him to make you wise about spiritual things...wonderful things that belong to those who live in the Kingdom of light".

When speaking of our intuition we should always give God the glory and thanks for the gift and not use it for our own selfish gains.

Who decides how you should see yourself?

Who rules your life?

Have you ever stopped to think who is in control of the decisions you make and the actions you take?

The first thing most people do when they need to make a decision, is to ask for others' opinions. That in itself is not necessarily a bad thing - others see things that we don't and they may have valid input. Sometimes people are so kind as to offer advice, even without you having to ask for it.

Three important questions to ask yourself when taking advice are:

1. How qualified is the person in the area which they are advising me in?
2. How does my decision influence them?
3. How well do they know me and does that influence their advice?

When you get negative input from someone, or they suggest you don't do something that you have decided on already (i.e. unasked for opinions) you should stick to your convictions. Don't let others' judgmental or uninformed opinions weigh more than your own. You know yourself better than anyone else and if you feel that you are right, stick with it!

Always remember these important points:

1. Never let go of your core values for anyone.
2. Walk tall - be proud of who you are.
3. Have your goals in your mind always.
4. Love yourself, be your own best friend.
5. It's your life, you don't have to answer to anyone else.

Live your life to the full, enjoy each moment and remember, everyone makes mistakes.

Internet Suicide

The internet, to many, is life - virtually. Many of us have more friends online than off. Many of our businesses can only perform when we are online. We live online.

Off line, when someone disagrees with us or their opinion differ slightly, we will swallow the pride and at worst, ignore them for a few days. When we need them, we'll run back to them, tail between the legs. Sometimes, when we get rejected by someone or we cannot face up to the realities of life, we will cry suicide, hoping someone will rescue us from the misery. The fact that they do it just to say "I tried to help her" and not really because they care, is irrelevant. When you get discharged from the mental hospital, your home is flooded with beautiful bouquets and cards from people telling you how special you are. You never stop to think why they only do it now, instead of giving you the love you needed to start with.

So is it in internet communities too, but the people are much bolder, much more prepared to exaggerate for the cause. People become bullies - they attack what they fear, they attack before they are being attacked. Dr Phil McGraw always refers to this personality trait where people have a "Get them before they get me" attitude.

Unfortunately, oftentimes, these people are defeated. The 'victims' of the attack don't even have to do anything other than giving them enough rope to hang themselves. They simply have to ignore the attacker long enough...

This is ultimately exactly the same rope they use when they start crying virtual suicide. The suicide notes include numerous public cries for help, wherein they will state their intention to resign from the community or wish for the person they initially victimised to be removed from the society and what a loss that will be to the community to lose such an amazing person as yours truly.

It's terrible that in a community as big as the internet, people can become so lonely and disillusioned that they have to resort to such childishness. Of course they don't really intend on leaving - it's a cry for help and attention. Everyone will pay their condolences, having no idea of what went down and what the person did to create the situation. When they get one response from someone who feels sorry enough for them, they'd stay 'due to public demand'.

For those who feel sorry for the internet suicidals, be sure to get the full story, uncensored before you make silly comments about things you know nothing about. Low confidence is a terrible disease that causes moral rot, similar to an internet virus which destroys your hard drive until your computer is useless.

If you are the victim of internet bullying, just ignore them - don't rise to the bait. Let them hang themselves...

Will God forgive me for committing suicide?

A conversation I heard recently got me thinking about heaven and hell, forgiveness and how these things work.

Someone said that if you are a Christian and commit suicide, you will not be forgiven. My question then, is this "Will God allow me to successfully commit suicide, if it's not His will?" I believe that God's will will ultimately prevail in my life. Sure, we were given free will, but God has set out our lives from before we were born. God brings good things into our lives and allows bad things to get us to see the error of our ways.

As per Isaiah 48:7 : "I form the light and the dark. I send good times and bad."

The bible says in various places that in the end everyone will submit to God. As per Philipians 2:8-10 "...every knee shall bow, every tongue confess.."

What happens if I don't have time to ask for forgiveness before I die? Will I be forgiven?

During this conversation, the person used this example: What if it is God's will for me to commit suicide and someone else steps in to stop me?

Well, who is more mighty - God, or the person trying to prevent me from committing suicide? Of course God will prevent the person from preventing me!

We don't have all the answers. We can only ask God to reveal it to us and believe and the answers will come to us.

How men feel about size 0

Obsession about fat has become the new craze, causing numerous young girls to develop eating disorders. These disorders, if not detected soon enough, could lead to death.The statistics are horrifying in America alone:

It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder – seven million women and one million men
One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia
95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25
50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight
80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight

The media has reduced womanhood to body parts, airbrushed to perfection - a standard nobody can adhere to. Young women are taught that they have to be perfect if they want to be loved. We all crave love and many people will do everything in their power to get it, even if it means we have to purge our food, count calories or be nipped and tucked to perfection.

There is no such thing as perfection and if you think a man wants someone with a size 0 figure, flawless skin, Colgate smile, Pantene-shine hair, think again. Of course man fantasise about Miss Perfect, just like we do about Brad Pitt and Izak Davel of Egoli fame... but he's more than happy to have you.

Your scars and imperfections are part of you, just like that drunken tattoo he got when he was 18 with the name of his high school sweetheart.

I interviewed modern men aged mid-thirties to mid-forties and the bulk of them prefer 'cuddleliscious' women with chutzpah and pretty faces. They admitted that they prefer a woman who climbs boots-and-all into a rack of ribs to a stick figure who plays with her salad. Confidence is key - when you feel unworthy of his attention, he will take your word for it! You know yourself best, so if you think you are not good enough, he won't waste his time on you.

A USA organisation that promotes healthy self-image says that 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance.

If you want people to love you, start loving yourself. Look in the mirror, play up your good features, dress nicely. Research has shown that happy women lose weight naturally. Obsessing with your weight will simply prevent you from losing it and make you unhappy and unhealthy.

PMS or something worse

When a woman of child-bearing age bites your head of, figuratively speaking that is, it's only natural to assume she has PMS or Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.

Headaches, mood-swings, acne, food cravings and bloatedness all attribute to about 70%-90% of women not feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for a week or so before the onset of their monthly period. Usually a few dietary changes and some natural remedies will do the trick to easing the symptoms and helping them get through the rough patches.

Some women however, have it much worse and often miss a day of school or work every month. This is caused by headaches and debilitating fatigue that they cannot control.

A friend of mine, for a few years, has been flying into an incredible fit of rage every single month. The kind of rage where she could easily kill anyone who came too close. Almost every single month she tries to commit suicide - taking pills, cutting herself and crying and sleeping. Her anger is out of control. There is just no respite. It's hard for her to feel like that, but it's even harder to see the people close to her trying to deal with it when she says the things she says and does the things she does. No, she is not mad - she suffers from a chemical imbalance.

She has been told that she has PMS and that is what causes her to react like that is like swinging a leg of lamb in front of a lion and saying "come get it, big boy! - very dangerous. She once told me that hearing something which affects every woman monthly causes her to react like this, made her feel weak, stupid.

The diagnoses came as a shock. She has what they call Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. PMDD is a condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle. Symptoms occur regularly in the second half of the cycle and end when menstruation begins or shortly thereafter. PMDD is not just a new name for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a condition that affects as many as 75% of menstruating women. It is, however, considered to be a very severe form of PMS that affects about 3% - 5% of menstruating women. Both PMDD and PMS share symptoms in common that include depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness. What sets PMDD apart is its severity. Women with PMDD find that it has a very disruptive effect on their lives.

Having PMDD is no laughing matter, even though others may not take it seriously. In an article in Journal of the American Medical Association (1999;281:368-374) one woman said, "I'm tired of these [PMS] jokes, too, because if you live in my body, it's not a pleasant thing to have to go through every single month where you feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I don't find it really amusing. It's like making fun of someone who has crutches or is in a wheelchair. I wish people were more sympathetic. It's a valid problem that needs attention."

PMDD is treatable with dietary changes, lifestyle adjustments, natural remedies and various prescription drugs, which have their own disadvantages. Support and understanding from loved ones goes a long way.

My Sugar Daddy

Today, during a conversation with a very catty woman at least twice my age, a comment was made about my "much, much older husband - the only thing I could 'catch'".

I believe in fairytale romances, such as my own marriage, but sadly many people don't put in the effort required to achieve this level of commitment. So I decided to do some research.

Why men like to marry younger women:

My research on this topic lead mainly to sites selling Russian Mail Order Brides, hence the reasons listed were mainly related to men who liked having sex with inexperienced women. I believe that is grossly one-sided. Just because a man orders a mail order bride, doesn't mean it's only for the sex.

According to the Human Life-History Project, the reason that men like to marry women who are years younger than themselves has been discovered: they have more grandchildren as a result. Although this idea has been around for a long time, few studies have been done to show that this is true and have demonstrated that more and healthier children are the result.

Younger women also tend to be more respectful and less tainted by negative life experiences that women that have been around the block a few more times. Younger women believe more in love and want to have fun, whilst older women want to have children or a career and the man is simply a side interest.


Why women like to marry older men:

During my research on this, I found that there is a lot of confusion between 'older men' and sugar daddies - there's a huge difference. Sugar daddy somehow has a 'sex-gifts-and-money'-connotation. For this reason, men are perceived as stupid and younger women as bimbos with no brains and such relationships are doomed by cyber-critics. People place people with age-gap relationships in a category without first learning all the facts.

Nevertheless, there are some valid benefits to 'dating' (note, not marrying) an older man:

Romance-wise, Sugar Daddies are far better than younger men. They’ve had years of experience to learn just what women want and they know how to please you. Older men are usually far more supportive of your dreams and ambitions and may have an idea of how you can reach them. Older men are more mature than guys your own age, as you’ve probably noticed. Older men know how to treat a woman, open doors for her, and generally respect her, they were raised in another time when these things were still taught. Sugar Daddies are usually more tolerant of issues such as baggage from childhood than a younger guy, since they have more life experience.

Can age-gap relationships work?

There are many well known age gap relationships such as Tony Curtis, 82, and Jill Vandenburg, 40, Des O'Connor, 75, and Jodie, 38, Michael Douglas, 63, and Catherine Zeta Jones, 38, or the late Anna Nicole Smith who married an ailing 89 year old oil tycoon when she was only 26.

I am very happy with my 'old man'. We were both involved with people our own age before, but I was too mature for someone my age and Wade's ex was too old for him. Maturity wise we meet each other half way and we can discuss things from the early 1900's when he was young - to 2007 when I was young. It's like two people from different planets connecting and seeing that we actually have so much in common. What's 19 years between friends anyhow? We've been together for close on 9 years, there's no chance I'll be a dumb bimbo forever or that Wade will get bored with me. That is another reason why men like younger women.

Older women are threatened when they see a younger woman dating a man the older woman's age - there is yet another opportunity passing them by, a missed chance, one less man who will look their way. Come on - I'm sure dating a toy boy is as much fun for an older woman as a young bimbo is for an older man!

Toxicity

They are in every family, social group or organisation. They spread their negativity wherever they go. I am talking about toxic people.

These are the people who constantly critisise, argue and complain about everything, whether it concerns them or not. The Toxic person uses this negative behaviour to get attention and their lack of social skills causes them to be unable to tell negative attention from positive attention.

Toxic people tend to zone in on the negative side of everything, generally blowing it out of proportion. The negative will often become their obsession. Once this becomes a habit, it becomes progressively harder to see any positivity.

Toxic people generally tend to form cliques of like-minded people that destroy anything positive before it can come to fruition. Jealousy is a prominent core value of toxic people.

Psychologist Martin Seligman showed in his groundbreaking research in positive psychology that people who see the world in a positive light have a long list of advantages, including:

* They live longer
* They’re healthier
* They have more friends and better social lives
* They enjoy life more
* They’re more successful at work

It's essential to cut out toxic influences from your life, even if it's family or loved ones.

If you are toxic, remember this: "Either your toxic emotions are using you, or you’re going to use them. For example, you can either allow your suppressed anger to explode and wreak havoc in your life, or you can harness its inherent power to stand up taller and take on a bigger mission in the world." says Debbie Ford, founder of the Ford Institute.

Dealing with a stalker

Technology is a great tool in prosecuting the more amateur type of cyber-stalker, what with it keeping all the information at the click of a button. This is especially handy if you have teenagers who are on the internet and dating sites where all the baddies lurk.

While every stalker’s pattern of behavior is slightly different, there are predictable stages which a stalker may follow. Understanding how a stalker may move through the stages is helpful to show how stalking behavior can escalate in frequency,intensity, destructiveness and level of danger. In the first stage, the intensity may be nothing more than a quest to collect as much personal information as possible about you from friends, family or organisations you belong to.

The second stage, it becomes more intrusive. As in domestic violence situations, stalkers may intimidate victims in order to coerce them into returning to the relationship, or simply to maintain a sense of connection with, and power over, their victims. Stalkers may now:

* Spread rumors, negative things, and false information about the victim to friends, family members, employers, faith organizations, schools (often, abusers threaten to “expose” their victim, even if the “exposure” is based upon falsehoods and lies – an effort to control other people’s perceptions of the situation).

* Make direct and indirect threats through intimidating phone calls, e-mails, pages, and sending/leaving notes.
* Become more persistent in following the victim
* Leave evidence to remind a victim of their presence
* Monitoring your online movements in social networks or websites

The majority of stalkers have been in relationships with their victims, but a significant percentage either never met their victims, or were just acquaintances – neighbors, friends, or co-workers.

According to Anti-Stalking "These delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive. They grow up having a very poor sense of their own identities. This, coupled with a predisposition toward psychosis, leads them to strive for satisfaction through another, yearning to merge with someone who is almost always perceived to be of a higher status (doctors, lawyers, teachers) or very socially desirable (celebrities). It is not unusual for this type of stalker to "hear" the soothing voice of his victim, or believe that she is sending him cryptic messages through others."

In the case of cyber-stalking, you can easily contact the site administrator or your ISP to track the IP address, which you can then use to prosecute stalkers.

There are many available solutions to stalking online, alternatively you may be able to get help from your local police station or attorney. Many organisations exist that will be able to give you advice for your specific situation.

Will you say it to my face?

In recent weeks, I have witnessed many older, single women attacking younger women for no rhyme or reason. Unhappily married women also love to attack women that are happy indeed.

They also enjoy threatening these young women and harass them endlessly. The pack of wolverines all have one thing in common - they are all in their late forties to mid-fifties and many of them are single. Often-times they would 'adopt' a young, single girl and try to make her into a clone of them. Due to the fact that they are so 'nice' to her, she would believe that indeed they have her best interest at heart.

These women are neighbours, members of women's groups or members of social networking businesses. They have absolutely no problem carving someone up behind their back, via email or public blogs and even via instant messaging. They would accuse people of doing things that they do themselves. They would call one names, say "You are so ugly" and try to break you down in areas they perceive to be a problem for you, but little do they know you... Some of them would publicly say that a man has "small man syndrome" because he (very carefully and constructively) pointed out a weak area in your character.

"Anger, self-doubt, bitterness, and fear are just a few of the symptoms the single woman may face." says Tammy Beck, coach to single women over 50. These symptoms also cause jealousy of younger, happier women and this jealousy leads to attacks and jealous rages.

Wintercreeks.net says "I think it safe to say an insecure person is a critical person. Criticism is the seed of bitterness. Bitterness is the cancer that will destroy a relationship. Many a congregation have been poisoned with the seeds off bitterness."

According to Tasty Research spontaneous trait transference is a phenomenon where people are perceived as possessing a trait that they describe in others. Telling others that your math professor is lazy will cause them to infer that you are lazy. This works the other way too — describing positive attributes about your friend may ascribe you those attributes as well.Several experiments showed that people will associate personality traits to communicators mindlessly without logical rational. They also have a poor recollection of whether the communicator was describing themselves or someone else in a conversation.

As we say in NLP: People tell you all about themselves, all the time. Like looking in a mirror, squeezing that zit and it just gets bigger or there are just more of them, the more you squeeze - these women just don't back off.

I wonder if they would say these things to someone's face though?

Interview with Ashley Dowds

Lizette speaks to Ashley about home, life and work as well as his role as Andrew McBain in eTV's Scandal.

Ashley is an interesting guy with a CV as long as your arm, husband and father of two.

1. What is home like?

A combination of aesthetic and utilitarianism; of morning school-readying madness, and green, leafy inspiration; books and flat screen, Wood and appliance, bad storage solutions but comfortable spaces.

2. Can you play a musical instrument, if so which?

I am a lazy guitarist; lazy because I have not applied myself! In my head I am Paco Pena.

3. Is Ashley anything like Andrew McBain from Scandal?

Some of the later commitment and romance has a confluence with Ashley - I think. ("Oh, Puh-LEASE" says my wife!)

4. You have a very impressive CV which includes acting, presenting, writing, directing - what do you do what is not on your CV?

I am a dad - a comprehensive commitment

5. What previous jobs have you had?

I have sold super absorbent cloths at a Hypermarket, was once a house cleaner in the Jewish boroughs of London,taught (as an English/Drama teacher) for 5 years, was in sales as a Print rep until an autocratic MD drove me out of my wits by telling me to forget about my dreams of being an actor.

6. Is it true that you were a char in London - is that true?

Yes - I was staying with someone I had met on Kibbutz, who knew people that needed ironing and cleaning done. (This was after he'd offered me a job as an accountant and then discovered I couldn't count.)

7. You are a Shakespeare fan - does Shakespeare inspire your writing and theatre work?

O for a muse of fire! Yes, my first Shakespearean mind blast was watching Antony Sher at the Barbican Theatre, playing Shylock. After that all I wanted to do was be part of the RSC. I went up to Stratford on Avon and stayed with Richard Haines who was with them at the time, but I think I was too young still and not bold enough to audition.

8. What else inspires you?

Being in the mountains, working with people like Sylvaine Strike, watching Andrew Buckland or Ellis Pearson perform, Being in London (some of the time), my sculptor friend Kim Goodwin, the way my kids invent moments, Travel...


9. What do you prefer: nature or city life?

It's biased in favour of Nature

10. What is a day like in the life of Ashley Dowds?

I can usually count on a radio/TV commercial to record about twice a week, so it's getting to studio; I am also project driven: right now it's directing a play with some talented young performers and writing travelogues. I have a few ideas I am developing for theater and for bibliophiles. Most of the time, I respond to work that interrupts all this: filming pilots, meetings etc

11. You do a Travelogue for 'Country Life'- what do you enjoy most about traveling and where is your favourite destination in the world?

The Country Life column no longer - but I still submit on the occasion. I relate to the Drakensberg most. It is familiar and calming.

12. You have received a number of awards for writing, presenting as well as being stylish - which nomination / award meant the most to you?

Not the Stylish - I am very equivocal about what 'stylish' means in SA. People get credence for something outwardly showy, when there are hugely
talented people in this country who don't get recognized at all. Stylish can be ugly.

13. What are your hobbies?

I want to say neuroanatomy, but that's just because I want to tell some stories around this on stage. (Any neurosurgeons out there ready to talk?)

14. How do you relax after a stressful day?

Swim

15. What has fatherhood taught you?

Introspection

16. What are your current projects and future ambitions?

Refer to neuroanatomy above. I've also just returned from work-shopping with a dynamic theatre co. in London, Complicite, which has given me some inspiration for more physical work.

17. Is there anything else we'd like to know about Ashley?

No

Jurie Els molestation scandal

I was quite young when I first heard Jurie Els sing on radio and immediately loved his music with it's nice beat and sing-along lyrics. Much to my delight I found out that he grew up in the same town where I lived, Vrede and I started seeing him around town when he visited his elderly mother. His tailor lived across the road from us in the house she bought from my grandfather's estate and my mom used to type up documents for him when I was a baby still. Vrede is a small town and everyone knows one another.

Jurie won Noot-vir-Noot and by that time he was my hero. By this time I had a huge infatuation with him although he obviously was unaware of it. My mom bought me all his CDs and I wrote to him. I was ecstatic when he wrote me a post card back and when running into my mom in the shop, he asked her if it was her daughter who wrote him. In Welkom I went to a radio station where they let me into the studio where he was and we chatted. I was in 7th heaven!

As a young adult I moved to Johannesburg and I didn't miss one of his performances. My boyfriend at the time was incredibly jealous when I listened to Jurie's CDs and he made some of them disappear, but that's a whole new topic on it's own.

In recent news, Jurie is said to have got an interdict against Media24 banning them from publishing details on allegations by up and coming singer, Robbie Klay of molestation by a prominent singer he calls "The Uncle", who's name is known to The Beeld. The allegations are damning and the insinuations very clear.

My heart has been in agony. I too have a little boy and if anyone touches him, I will sure kill them. I don't want to believe that Jurie did such a thing. Local gossip blog bosparra.com says that if Jurie was innocent, why the interdict. This whole situation feels like a dark cloud with no silver lining. My heart aches for Robbie Klay who lost his innocence at the hands of a predator and my heart aches that Jurie is implied. It's hard to hear such things about someone so... homegrown, so fresh, talented and sweet. Someone you had been infatuated with for half of your life.

My personal view on how child molesters should be punished is not something I would wish on anyone I have ever known, but there can never be exceptions. I can only pray that there was a misunderstanding, however that still doesn't help Robbie.

Jurie Els and his wife, high jump champion Hestrie Cloete were not available for comment on Friday. Their cellphones were off following their announcement in January that they were emigrating to New Zealand. I can't imagine the pain Hestrie must be going through during this time.

When all is said and done, stars and celebrities are people just like us that literally live under the spotlight. All the blemishes show up under pressure, as we've seen with Britney Spears and her public breakdown.

My heart goes out to anyone who's life has ever been affected by molestation and I hope this nightmare will soon be over.

The perils of plastic

It comes in different colours and it's great when it's all yours...

Money is great, when you don't need to spend it. Everyone wants it, some will kill and lie for it. Some call it the root of all evil and some say that it makes the world go round. Truth is that money is everything - you need money for everything in life. Money buys food, money buys comfort and money buys luxuries.

With fraud at the order of the day, spending money has become increasingly complicated. You need your ID book to draw money from the bank and you need to do your damndest to hang onto it amidst crime and inflation. Drawing money from the ATM costs a lot of money - just add up the charges on your cash withdrawals and you'll see.

Hence, my payment method of choice is debit or credit cards. Sure, that comes with all the credit laws and all it's own disadvantages - but it's so much easier to use. What surprises me is the fact that some outlets still don't use it. Take for example my hairdresser - the most popular in the area and their prices are excellent, but they don't take card.

I usually have a haircut only as I have a natural perm and I'm blonde - there's just no room for improvement! Alas, a woman will always be a woman and never happy with her looks. I am sure that if I could pay by card, I would've been more inclined to find a reason to do unnecessary treatments at the hairdresser.

It's so much harder to spend cash. You actually have to hand over a number of notes, whereas with a credit / debit card, you only have to hand over one item and you get it back when the transaction is finalised!

2nd hand info clouds your judgment

In any group of friends, there is always the trouble maker. This is a person who would go around from one person to another, discussing someone in the group, often saying very detrimental things. When we hear things about someone we don't know very well, we are likely to believe the stories and that in turn affects the way we treat them.

In NLP there is a saying "The map is not the territory" which means that a territory doesn't necessarily look exactly like it does on a map. Therefore, what we presume of a person may not necessarily be very accurate.

A very good friend once worked for a man who was attracted to her, but she was not attracted to him. The boss' wife was a jealous lady and assumed that my friend too was attracted to the boss and immediately started a smear campaign against my friend. The damage was obvious in the way the rest of the staff treated my friend, especially when there was an incident that caused more jealousy with the wife. The fact that my friend worked out of the office and never spent 5 minutes with the rest of the staff meant that they actually didn't know her at all and she had no time to prove herself to them.

Before you say something about someone else, first ask yourself "Am I prepared to say this to their face?". If the answer is "No!" - then keep quiet about it. If it's something untrue or an unfair assumption, people are bound to discover the truth and you will lose all your credibility and the respect of the entire group. Also look at your motivations for telling people this - what are you going to gain from telling this and what are the people that you are sharing it with going to benefit?

Most importantly - when discussing someone else with others - how could it affect the person you are discussing? Could it cost her her job? Could she lose friends through it? Does her losing make you feel good about yourself?

Take time to form your own impressions, never listen to third party gossip. That person may not have anything in common with the person they are trashing, whereas maybe you do. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt before you get your opinions clouded by unfair judgment.

Who are you really helping?

We've all said it before. Everyone has said it - "I want to help people." Do we truly have the best intentions when we say that and do we truly plan on following through?

Television and the news expose us to acceptance speeches of all kinds, delivered by everyone from ministers to beauty queens. They all want to help people and we all judge when we don't notice the difference they make. Did they just say it so that they could be elected?

The dictionary offers various definitions of the word "help", yet there is a little voice crying inside of me as I think at some point, we all get a bit carried away in our helpfulness.

Why do you help people?

Some people offer help in order to make the person they have helped indebted to them, thus creating a master / slave relationship. At some point the helped person will become weary of the demands / restrictions and rebel. The helper in turn will become resentful and the initial kindness may dwindle into non-exsistence. Did the helper indeed help the person? I don't think so. It was done with an agenda, even if it was subconcious.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming speaks of a concept called Ecology, which should be applied to all situations. Whenever you make a decision, you should ask yourself these two questions:

1. Is it good for me?
2. Is it good for others?

If you answer yes, good and well! If not - can you live with it?

Then there is the question of what kind of help it is that you are offering. Do you judge their needs based on your own values and interpretations of the situation?

Many people refuse to give beggars money, some suggest that you rather buy them food. It is thought that if you give a beggar money, he would go buy alcohol and people are not prepared to fund beggars' drinking habits. I used to agree with this, until I started looking at the kind of help people have offered me in the past. Is the help you offer what the other person is asking for? If not, are you really helping them?

Imagine walking a long distance in a huge rainstorm on your way home. Your neighbour stops by the side of the road on her way home too and you ask her for a lift, but instead she passes you a towel to dry your hair and says "See you at home!". Now that won't feel too good.

So next time, let's trust the person we decide to help. After all, they know what they want and need. Your help should be unconditional enough for it not to bother you if they mess it up somehow.

If your help comes with conditions or judgment, it will be received that way. If you give in order to get, you won't get. Simple as that!