Who are you really helping?

We've all said it before. Everyone has said it - "I want to help people." Do we truly have the best intentions when we say that and do we truly plan on following through?

Television and the news expose us to acceptance speeches of all kinds, delivered by everyone from ministers to beauty queens. They all want to help people and we all judge when we don't notice the difference they make. Did they just say it so that they could be elected?

The dictionary offers various definitions of the word "help", yet there is a little voice crying inside of me as I think at some point, we all get a bit carried away in our helpfulness.

Why do you help people?

Some people offer help in order to make the person they have helped indebted to them, thus creating a master / slave relationship. At some point the helped person will become weary of the demands / restrictions and rebel. The helper in turn will become resentful and the initial kindness may dwindle into non-exsistence. Did the helper indeed help the person? I don't think so. It was done with an agenda, even if it was subconcious.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming speaks of a concept called Ecology, which should be applied to all situations. Whenever you make a decision, you should ask yourself these two questions:

1. Is it good for me?
2. Is it good for others?

If you answer yes, good and well! If not - can you live with it?

Then there is the question of what kind of help it is that you are offering. Do you judge their needs based on your own values and interpretations of the situation?

Many people refuse to give beggars money, some suggest that you rather buy them food. It is thought that if you give a beggar money, he would go buy alcohol and people are not prepared to fund beggars' drinking habits. I used to agree with this, until I started looking at the kind of help people have offered me in the past. Is the help you offer what the other person is asking for? If not, are you really helping them?

Imagine walking a long distance in a huge rainstorm on your way home. Your neighbour stops by the side of the road on her way home too and you ask her for a lift, but instead she passes you a towel to dry your hair and says "See you at home!". Now that won't feel too good.

So next time, let's trust the person we decide to help. After all, they know what they want and need. Your help should be unconditional enough for it not to bother you if they mess it up somehow.

If your help comes with conditions or judgment, it will be received that way. If you give in order to get, you won't get. Simple as that!