2nd hand info clouds your judgment

In any group of friends, there is always the trouble maker. This is a person who would go around from one person to another, discussing someone in the group, often saying very detrimental things. When we hear things about someone we don't know very well, we are likely to believe the stories and that in turn affects the way we treat them.

In NLP there is a saying "The map is not the territory" which means that a territory doesn't necessarily look exactly like it does on a map. Therefore, what we presume of a person may not necessarily be very accurate.

A very good friend once worked for a man who was attracted to her, but she was not attracted to him. The boss' wife was a jealous lady and assumed that my friend too was attracted to the boss and immediately started a smear campaign against my friend. The damage was obvious in the way the rest of the staff treated my friend, especially when there was an incident that caused more jealousy with the wife. The fact that my friend worked out of the office and never spent 5 minutes with the rest of the staff meant that they actually didn't know her at all and she had no time to prove herself to them.

Before you say something about someone else, first ask yourself "Am I prepared to say this to their face?". If the answer is "No!" - then keep quiet about it. If it's something untrue or an unfair assumption, people are bound to discover the truth and you will lose all your credibility and the respect of the entire group. Also look at your motivations for telling people this - what are you going to gain from telling this and what are the people that you are sharing it with going to benefit?

Most importantly - when discussing someone else with others - how could it affect the person you are discussing? Could it cost her her job? Could she lose friends through it? Does her losing make you feel good about yourself?

Take time to form your own impressions, never listen to third party gossip. That person may not have anything in common with the person they are trashing, whereas maybe you do. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt before you get your opinions clouded by unfair judgment.