Dealing with a stalker

Technology is a great tool in prosecuting the more amateur type of cyber-stalker, what with it keeping all the information at the click of a button. This is especially handy if you have teenagers who are on the internet and dating sites where all the baddies lurk.

While every stalker’s pattern of behavior is slightly different, there are predictable stages which a stalker may follow. Understanding how a stalker may move through the stages is helpful to show how stalking behavior can escalate in frequency,intensity, destructiveness and level of danger. In the first stage, the intensity may be nothing more than a quest to collect as much personal information as possible about you from friends, family or organisations you belong to.

The second stage, it becomes more intrusive. As in domestic violence situations, stalkers may intimidate victims in order to coerce them into returning to the relationship, or simply to maintain a sense of connection with, and power over, their victims. Stalkers may now:

* Spread rumors, negative things, and false information about the victim to friends, family members, employers, faith organizations, schools (often, abusers threaten to “expose” their victim, even if the “exposure” is based upon falsehoods and lies – an effort to control other people’s perceptions of the situation).

* Make direct and indirect threats through intimidating phone calls, e-mails, pages, and sending/leaving notes.
* Become more persistent in following the victim
* Leave evidence to remind a victim of their presence
* Monitoring your online movements in social networks or websites

The majority of stalkers have been in relationships with their victims, but a significant percentage either never met their victims, or were just acquaintances – neighbors, friends, or co-workers.

According to Anti-Stalking "These delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive. They grow up having a very poor sense of their own identities. This, coupled with a predisposition toward psychosis, leads them to strive for satisfaction through another, yearning to merge with someone who is almost always perceived to be of a higher status (doctors, lawyers, teachers) or very socially desirable (celebrities). It is not unusual for this type of stalker to "hear" the soothing voice of his victim, or believe that she is sending him cryptic messages through others."

In the case of cyber-stalking, you can easily contact the site administrator or your ISP to track the IP address, which you can then use to prosecute stalkers.

There are many available solutions to stalking online, alternatively you may be able to get help from your local police station or attorney. Many organisations exist that will be able to give you advice for your specific situation.